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By Miya Yamanouchi
For years the “daddy” dynamic in relationships has remained almost entirely a secret phenomena to those outside of the BDSM sphere.
And now women, in real life and on social media, have started calling their boyfriends, their husbands, “Daddy.” It’s suddenly a common thing. But what does it even mean? The answer is more complex than you might think.
In the world of BDSM, a male lover taking on a quasi-paternal role of nurturing caregiver and disciplinarian becomes the “daddy.” He indulges, edifies, and chastises his childlike female submissive partner, who is often both emotionally and financially dependent upon him.
Yes, this phenomenon began in BDSM. Are you surprised?
The partner to a “daddy” is a “little girl,” though this half of the relationship hasn’t received as much attention.
This kind of submissive enjoys being treated like a child by her lover, most commonly calling her partner “daddy” both in and out of the bedroom. She’s fully integrated with her inner child, not play-acting the character of a young girl in her relationship.
Actually, this is no role play scenario for her at all.
For a submissive, being a child feels entirely natural, authentic and effortless whereas playing the role of a “grown-up” feels conversely like a forced and falsified act.
All of this may seem overwhelming, especially when you thought you were just giving your boyfriend a nickname.
Here’s what’s important: trust, devotion, attention, tenderness and unconditional love and support lie at the cornerstone of this deeply psychosexual dynamic.
This kind of BDSM dynamic involves the submissive being treated as both princess and juvenile, being pampered and spoiled for her good behaviors and scolded and punished for her not so good ones. And with the rise of men receiving this nickname, it’s time we start talking about what this really means.
This isn’t a bad thing, in fact it’s great. More women should feel comfortable and open with their sexual desires, as long as they’re between two consenting adults.
BDSM lifestyles have created a loose framework for how this kind of relationship plays out.
The daddy issues rules and guidelines for his little girl to follow such as curfews, and dress-codes. He administers punishments for rules not abided by, including writing out lines, time in the naughty corner, groundings, lectures, and spankings.
Rewards are given to the submissive in this dynamic with equal regulation, from “treats” like chocolates, sweets and presents, to even a simple pat on the forehead with a verbal acknowledgment that she’s been “a good girl.”
Any of this making you uncomfortable? You don’t have to take it as far as someone in a very rigid BDSM relationship might but if it’s something you’d like to play around with, you should talk to your partner about it more.
The two of you can make it so much MORE than a nickname.
But it also can remain simply that: only a nickname.
The payoff for the Little submissive in this alternative relationship dynamic is that she gets spoiled, babied and adored 24/7. She receives all the affection, adoration, support and encouragement a girl of any age could ever want and coupled with an endless source of quasi-paternal love and care.
Meanwhile, the Daddy dominant benefits from having a totally complaint and reliant endearing woman-child forever doting on him, looking up to him, and surrendering herself to him—body, mind and soul.
However, it should still be clear: This dynamic is NOT a roleplay.
While roleplay is, at times, included within the sexual activities these couples elect to experience, the daddy/little girl dynamic itself is by no means a roleplay or act. For both the male-dominant daddy and the female-submissive little, the ways in which they express themselves within this rare dynamic come completely naturally.
There are also a few personality traits of the submissives in this dynamic. Littles are innocent, sweet and highly sensitive with pure intentions. They have the mind and heart of a child, irrespective of their external appearance, level of intellect or actual age.
No matter how domineering, authoritative, or demanding these women may appear to those who observe them in a professional context (of which they are exceptionally competent, high achieving and intellectual), these closet children will always return home seeking the quiet and comforting refuge of their Daddy’s arms.
Supporting the daddy/little girl dynamic are activities such as the daddy reading his submissive fairy tales and children’s bedtime stories. He buys her stuffed toys, coloring books and lollipops, and taking her to see the latest Disney movie at the cinemas. He will also spend time educating his little on various topics in order to broaden her general knowledge.
People in this relationship share an intense emotional and spiritual bond, identifying with one another on a deeply psychological level. This particular relationship elicits powerful feelings and is the most mutually rewarding relationship dynamic of all time to those who practice it safely.
Miya Yamanouchi is a YourTango Expert and counselorwho uses her creative gifts with relentless determination in order to fulfill her mission of empowering individuals to reach their full potential through helping them love and respect themselves, embrace adversity, take action and never give up.
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